Thursday, December 13, 2007

Thoughts

Laying in bed tonight, all these thoughts rack my brain. My existentialist tendencies are starting to resurface. Why am I alive? Am I relevant? Is my existence important or am I merely a blip in history? When I die, will it make a difference to someone else? Will my memory live on or will I simply die and be forgotten?

As bleak as that may sound, these thoughts are not new to me. Still they remain unanswered. I am still searching for answers, still searching for truths. What does life have to offer? Is there solace in death? So many unanswered questions are burning in my brain...in my heart.

When you really think about it, in the grand scheme of things, what we do is so minute. What we do, what we think, what we have to say...does it really make a difference?

1 comment:

karempot said...

i have those moments when i'm looking out the window of a plane.. i start to wonder about my existence.. mind you, i took a total of 19 plane flights last summer and just 4 this summer so i've had quite a few of those moments..
i also have those moments usually when i'm in a different setting.. something different from my home setting or school setting that i begin to wonder about all that..
and in response to your last thoughts.. "When you really think about it, in the grand scheme of things, what we do is so minute. What we do, what we think, what we have to say...does it really make a difference?"
you're right in a sense that what you do is so minute.. but it does make a difference. it makes a huge difference especially to those around you.. *just think of the butterfly effect or the chaos theory*
no matter how small you think you might be, you have made a difference in someone's life that without you, their life would be totally different..
i can't be any more profound than that even if i tried at 8:15 in the morning!
i say this because having gotten so depressed about not passing the bar and deciding whether to take it or not in feb.. the best piece of "advice" i've gotten is from a former classmate and a law school dropout who said that my baby's not gonna care that mom's not yet a lawyer, but that mom will be there to take care of her when she needs mom the most..
i am making a difference even to my yet unborn child.. you're making a big impact on someone else's life even though it's not as obvious as a growing baby in your uterus..